-6PM on a Mexican
Subway-
Gregory McDonald was born and raised in Scotland. He grew up
in Larkhall, a small Scottish town with a little over fifteen thousand
inhabitants. The town looked like a page ripped right out of your favorite bedtime
story and generally had a very peaceful feel to it.
Gregory lived on a farm with his mother and three older
brothers just outside of the town. Even as a small child he enjoyed solitude
and was generally with no more than four people at once. There was something
about too many people that just made him feel anxious, he couldn’t quite
explain it and thus tried to stay away from large crowds as much as he could.
This wasn’t too difficult since he lived in a small town, but every now and
then he would feel the pressure of large crowds eat away at his chest.
One time, when he was about thirteen years of age, a small
traveling circus came to town. There were clowns, jugglers, trapeze artists,
animal trainers and the works. There was an excitement roaring in town since
not a lot of foreign entertainment came its way, but seeing that this small
circus was in need of money, they decided to give Larkhall a shot. Everybody
who was anybody was talking about the circus event and as it seemed that almost
the entire town would go and see the show.
Gregory was very excited about the circus coming to town as
well, not so much about the show but rather the idea of being able to travel
all over the world. It has been one of Gregory’s dreams to one day pack his
bags and set sail to a foreign land where he could explore any and all cultural
riches every single country had to offer. The day before the circus was to
debut he had decided to find a way to talk to one of the circus folk to explore
his own traveling options. He thought that they should at least have some
substantial insight to offer in order to guide his future endeavors.
When the big debut arrived Gregory was very excited yet at
the same time he was experiencing a mild level of anxiety due to the number of
people that were going to attend the event. Nonetheless he decided that if he
truly wanted to get out of Larkhall he would have to muster up every bit of
courage he had and simply go for it. His mother assured him that she would be
with him the entire time and that he wouldn’t have to worry about anything bad
happening that evening. There was a sense of peace about the fact that his
mother would be with him through this stressful situation.
Throughout the rest of the day Gregory’s anxiety kept on
increasing with every passing hour and roughly two hours before they would
venture off to the circus, he was almost ready to call it quits. He walked into
the kitchen where his mother was cooking dinner and stood there in silence for
a while:
“Gregory…are
you okay? His mother asked.
“Ye
Ma’…well…I’m kind of nervous about tonight.”
“Don’t
worry ma’ boy, mother will be there to hold your hand”
“I
know, but…it’s hard. I’m feeling very nervous, like something is clawing at my
chest”
“Well why don’t you make yourself
some tea right now and in an hour we’ll see if you still want to go…okay?”
The soothing voice of Gregory’s mother restored some sense
of confidence back into his heart and after he finished his tea he felt a lot
better. The hour of their departure arrived and even though he was still on
edge, he felt that he could do it. Gregory’s mother knew that her son had
issues with big crowds, but she didn’t quite understand the severity of the
situation. Nonetheless she always gave her unconditional support to help her boy
become a man.
His mother knocked on his door and asked if he was ready to
go. After a moment of hesitation Gregory simply nodded and they both went about
their way. When they arrived at the big circus tent both noticed that the crowd
was much bigger than anticipated. It seemed that the entire town was hungry for
some circus action and everybody was determined to make it to the show. As
Gregory saw this he began to break out in cold sweat, it became harder to
breathe and he started panicking. His mother quickly realized that her youngest
son was on the verge of breaking down and in turn gently squeezed his hand to
remind him that he is not alone. This was all that was needed to give him the
confidence to continue forward.
Arriving at the ticket booth they quickly purchased two
tickets and made their way to their seats. Gregory was still very nervous with
the crowd but knowing that his mother was right at his side, he thought he
would be able to manage his anxiety levels throughout the evening. After everyone
made their ways to their seats the show was about to start.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls
of all ages…Welcome to Mexico’s International Circus. We have a great show
planned for you this evening, showcasing some of the best talent this world has
ever seen. We have magic, humor and death defying stunts that will keep you on
the edge of your seats. So without any further ado, ladies and gentlemen…let’s
meet the first act!”
The applause of the audience sounded like a heavy rain
falling on a tin roof which made Gregory all the more aware of the size of the
crowd. Still holding his mother’s hand he knew that despite the fact that he
was feeling very anxious, he was going to make it through the entire evening.
As the show continued Gregory became more involved with what was happening in
center stage and eventually almost completely forgot that he was sitting in the
middle of roughly one thousand people. He even worked up the courage to let go
of his mother’s hand and felt that he made a big stride in facing his fear of
crowds.
As the show came to its conclusion, the audience gave a
standing ovation. It seemed that Mexico’s International Circus managed to keep
everyone entertained and ended up staying for a week longer in order to maximize
their profits. Gregory and his mother waited until a big portion of the crowd
left the circus tent before they got up as well. He still wanted to talk to one
of the circus folk, so he asked his mother if she could accompany him to where
the performers were staying.
As they left the tent they realized that even though most
people went out of the circus tent, they didn’t leave the premises. This meant
that the crowd of a thousand-plus people was still huddling all over the
grounds. Once more Gregory’s anxiety was on the rise, but his determination was
stronger than his fear and managed to continue forward. When he got closer to
where the performers were staying, he noticed that he wasn’t the only one in
town with the desire to speak to the artists. There were easily about three
hundred other people waiting to get an autograph or simply have their pictures
taken with some of the performers.
While Gregory and his mother were making their way to one of
the stars of the show an announcement was made with a bullhorn;
“Ladies and Gentlemen, for all of
those who want to have a personalized and signed picture with Cindy (Cindy was
one of the contortionists of the circus), form a line at the rear of the circus
tent”.
The rear of the circus tent was exactly where Gregory and
his mother were located in that specific moment, and with that announcement
roughly three hundred more people started rushing towards where they were. As
Gregory saw the hoard of people stampeding in his direction, he began to panic.
Not even the gentle grip of his mother’s hand could ease his stress at this
moment. The more the crowd grew the less secure he felt and from one moment to
another he found himself separated from his mother.
The thirteen year old boy was lost in a sea of people, his
anxiety clutching his throat making it hard to breathe. All he knew was that he
had to get out of there; he couldn’t stand being there any longer. With snot
and tears running off his face he began running in a random direction hoping to
escape his peril. Every time he found a gap within the crowd he would make his
way towards it until eventually there were no more gaps left to find. Just as
he was about to break down he felt a hand grab his shoulder and yank him away.
At first he thought that his mother had found him and was
now rescuing him from his dilemma, but as it turned out it was Cindy the
contortionist.
“Are
you okay?” she asked in a soft and soothing voice.
Gregory was stunned and couldn’t utter a single word, yet he
didn’t have to utter anything because his pale white face, tear shed eyes said
more than he could ever speak.
“Come
with me, I know how crowds can be” she continued.
Gregory followed Cindy to her trailer where she told him to
sit down and relax. In addition to her hospitality she vowed to help him find
his mother. This made Gregory feel a lot better since finally he was out of the
presence of the impressive group of people outside. A few minutes passed and
Gregory mustered up the courage to speak to Cindy;
“Ma’am…can
I ask you something?”
“Of
course you can, what is it?”
“Well, I have always wanted to
travel…and you seem to be an expert at traveling. So what I’m trying to say
is…do you have any advice…tips?
Cindy remained quiet for a bit and then smiled.
“Well, traveling isn’t all that
difficult. All you really need is money and a desire to travel. Look at me, I’m
from Mexico and now I’m here in beautiful Larkhall. I think all you need is the
determination to travel and all your heart’s desires will come true.”
“And
what’s Mexico like?” he asked.
As Cindy began to tell him of how special and wonderful
Mexico is, Gregory’s imagination was sparked. He began envisioning everything
she said and made up his mind that one day he will visit Mexico. Cindy and
Gregory spend about forty minutes talking to each other before his mother managed
to find him. When she arrived, both Gregory and Cindy could see just how
worried she truly was. His mother thanked Cindy and invited her for dinner.
Cindy declined due to the rules of the Circus but thanked her sincerely. She
also mentioned on what a lovely boy Gregory was and that his mother should be
proud to have such a fine young man as a son. Both Gregory and his mother felt
very special that day and were smiling and chatting all the way back home.
Before he went to bed that night he thanked his mother for going with him and
ended off with one phrase;
“Ma’…one
day I will go to Mexico and explore it fully…you’ll see.”
She simply smiled and nodded and encouraged him to follow
his dreams. It wasn’t too long after that Gregory drifted into a deep sleep.
That night he dreamt of his adventures in Mexico, almost as if he was the
Scottish version of Indiana Jones.
Ten years later Gregory was a handsome young man with a
highly intuitive mind. Ever since he was thirteen he began saving for his trip
and after ten years he finally had enough money to go on the adventure of a
lifetime. He did manage to get his fear of crowds somewhat under control and
now could easily handle up to two thousand people at the same time. It took
years of hard work to get to this point, but he knew that he would have to
master his fear in order to become a world explorer.
After he planned out his entire trip, the places he would
visit and the things he would do, he bought his plane ticket and packed his
backpack. In three days he would for the first time leave his small town and
venture off to a far off land where he would actually live his dreams. Even
though he was still a little nervous, his level of excitement was through the
roof. The last two days he hung out with some of his friends and with his
mother. Those last days were probably some of the best moments he ever shared with
the people he knew and loved.
When the day of his departure finally arrived, everybody
could see the excitement written all over his face. His flight was scheduled to
leave that evening and nothing was going to make him miss it. He woke up at six
AM in the morning to double and triple check if he had everything; money,
clothes, passport and the works. Once he finally was sure that he had everything
he needed, he took a train to the nearest airport. Gregory knew that his life
from this moment would never be the same, a new chapter was about to start.
He slept throughout most of the flight since he took a few
anti-anxiety pills before getting on the plane. After fifteen hours in the air
he finally made it to his destination; Mexico City International Airport. Right
before he came in for a landing he could see the vastness of the City…it was
bigger than anything he had ever seen. He knew that Mexico City was the third
largest city in the world, but he didn’t understand how big it really was. As
he saw this image he could feel his anxiety levels rise slightly, but managed
to keep it under control. His plan wasn’t on staying in Mexico City for too long
either since he was more interested in the pyramids in Quintana Roo, which
promised to be far less populated.
When he stepped out of the plane he could feel the heat and
humidity hit him like a brick wall. The moment his feet stepped on the warm
Mexican soil he felt a sense of victory…he had done it! He was finally out of
his comfort zone and was on the verge of conquering his dreams. Mexico was only
his first step also; he had so many other places in mind that he wanted to
visit. After going through the entire migratory process he finally stepped out
of the airport with his backpack strapped to his back. It was already night
time in the City so he simply went to the closest hotel to spend the night
there, the following morning he would begin his exploration of this new and
exciting land.
That evening Gregory sent his family an email saying that he
had arrived safely in Mexico and that he was truly excited. He mentioned
several times in the email that the place was bigger than he had expected, but
that he was truly happy to be there. While lying on his bed waiting for sleep
to come over him he could only envision the adventures he would experience
throughout the next few months. Eventually sleep came out the victor that
evening and Gregory drifted deep into his subconscious.
The following morning he checked out of his hotel room and
went for a traditional Mexican breakfast, Huevos con Tortillas which cost him
about $50 pesos. He wasn’t too used to the salsas that were drowning the eggs,
but he thought that this was just part of the experience. Afterwards he decided
it was time to explore, but now in daytime there were many more people roaming
the streets than the previous evening. He inquired about public transportation
and where he should go first. After asking ten different people the common
response was “El Zocalo” which is basically the center of Mexico City and holds
a lot of interesting cultural sites he could visit.
Still being early he decided to hit that spot first before
the multitudes of people showed up. He made his way to the nearest subway
station and to his surprise only had to spend $3 pesos to get a ticket, which
compared to his usual £2.40 was a definite bargain. After purchasing
his ticket he went on his way asking for directions at every possible point with
his broken Spanish. Mexico City’s Subway was massive and it was really easy to
get lost, but slowly he managed to make his way to his destination.
It was still only 10 AM in the
morning and even though there were a lot of people, he managed to keep his
anxiety levels to a minimum. As he left the Subway station he walked right into
the center of Mexico City’s “el Zocalo”.
The Zocalo is one of Mexico City’s
most famous cultural sites as you can find government buildings, gothic
churches and ancient remains of pyramids scattered all over. The area also has
thousands of stores selling everything from traditional Mexican artifacts to
the latest pirated movies costing no more than $15 pesos. Gregory was
dumbfounded by his surroundings and began to wander and take pictures like any
good tourist would. Within this state of cat like curiosity he completely lost
track of time and failed to notice that more and more people were appearing all
over the place. Even though consciously he wasn’t aware of what was happening,
his subconscious was gnawing at his throat slowly raising his anxiety.
When it was almost 5 PM he realized
that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast time and decided once more to go to a
traditional Mexico Taco stand. After getting an order of “tacos al Pastor” he
was ready to hit the road again. Only planning on staying a day or two more in
Mexico City, and with a great desire to see places like Chiapas and Quintana
Roo, it was apparent that it might have been time to find appropriate lodgings
for the evening. Yet as he finished his meal he turned only to notice that the
streets now resembled Mardi-Gras and were packed to the brim with people. If
his anxiety level was at four before he started eating, it suddenly shot up to
eight. He knew that he would have to leave soon in order to get out before he
was totally consumed by his ever oppressive anxiety.
Quickly, he made his way to the
nearest subway station, yet it would probably have been a better idea to take a
taxi, even though nine out of ten taxi cabs would rip you off. Yet due to his
current state of stress he couldn’t think clearly and decided to take the only
way of travel that he had some experience in; the subway.
It took him about an hour to reach
the nearest Subway station which resulted in his anxiety shooting up a bit
more. The crowd only seemed to be growing with every passing step dampening his
rational thinking abilities all the more. He looked at the stairway entrance of
the subway station watching people stream in and out of it like a hive of bees
disturbed by smoke. In his bewildered state he perceived that every single
passerby was staring him straight in the eyes, which made him feel even more
nervous about his surroundings. Without any further hesitation he decided to
suck it up and get it over with. He began pushing his way down the steps
towards the ticket booth.
The moment he made his way to the
bottom of the stairwell he realized just how severe his journey would be. The
amount of people increased at least tenfold since the first time he ventured
unto the Subway, the ticket lines snaking all over the place. Luckily he
purchased two tickets the first time around which meant that he could skip that
first part. As he made it through the gates he only saw more people appear. It was
almost like there was no end to the amount of people that surrounded him. His
heart began beating faster, he started sweating and his face turned as white as
snow. His critical thinking abilities were now so primal that his actions
resembled that of a scared dog. He simply kept on pushing forward, not asking
for any directions and solely having the idea of getting out of there before
it’s too late.
Every passing minute seemed to reveal
more people that dampened his rational mind like hurricane winds would a
flickering candle. He could feel the pushing and nudging of the hoard of people
surrounding him, every nudge deepening his state of panic. He could hardly
breathe anymore as he approached the waiting area for the train. He did
however; manage to find a wall where he could rest while waiting for the train
to arrive.
A quick look to the left and the
right allowed him to realize that he was standing in the middle of a crowd at
least three thousand people big, all pushing and shoving. The noise sounded to
him like a marching army or a Wall Street buy-out, the humidity and air was
getting thick and under his current state of panic was making it exceptionally
difficult to breathe. The train took a bit longer than usual, but that could
have been the result of Gregory’s obscured perception and inability to think
straight anymore, every minute he spent waiting he only saw more and more
people show up. He felt trapped, cornered like a wild animal on the verge of
execution. Just as he was on the about to completely melt down he heard the
distant shrieking of the train approaching.
“Finally,” he thought he would catch
a break; he would be able to escape from this living hell. But just as the
clock struck 6 PM he could see that his nightmare was far from over. The approaching
train was sardine packed with people and due to the even smaller space inside
the train; he perceived the crowd increase in size. He managed to peel himself
off the wall and make it towards the train with shaky steps, but just as the
train came to a complete halt and the doors opened, he wish he never left that
wall.
A bell rang signaling that the doors
were about to open. The doors weren’t even completely open when he felt a
strong force coming from behind. He quickly gazed around and noticed that there
were close to one hundred people behind him trying to make it inside before the
doors close again. To top it off, there were only a few people trying to get
out of the train. This meant that even if he managed to make it inside before
the doors closed once more, he would be trapped inside with hundreds of
strangers with no way to escape. In that moment he completely lost it.
He knew that he wouldn’t make it
inside the train and had to get out of the Subway station as soon as possible,
but with the gigantic force of people thrusting him forward there was almost no
way out. He began yelling, only to find that his voice was drowned in the sound
of a passing music vendor with a speaker lodged inside a backpack playing
traditional Mexican country music. It’s common for vendors to walk up and down
the subway trying to sell their illegal goods but in that moment it was the
needle that broke the camel’s back.
Gregory began to panic; he felt that
no one could hear him and that he was powerless to do anything about his current
situation. The more he attempted to escape the crowd out the closer he was
being pushed towards the train and the greater his anxiety became. Right before
he was on the verge of being forced into the cart, he completely snapped. His
vision first went blurry and then slowly started fading to black. The moment just
before his vision was almost completely consumed, the blackness turned red.
He lost all sense of critical
thinking and descended into a primal state of “fight or flight”. Since all his
options of “flight” were taken away, the only thing left for him to do was to
fight. Like a raging bull he pushed backwards with all his might knocked down
an 80 year old lady trying to fight her own way onto the train as well. The
sudden change of direction sparked a reaction in the crowd and through a
collective effort they all pushed back sending Gregory flying forward. Luckily
for him the train doors closed right before he was forced inside. Now the only
worry he had left on his twisted and frightened mind was to get out of there as
soon as he could and by any means necessary. When the pressure of the pushing
crowd lessened he managed to turn around.
Through his panic he pictured
distorted and hateful faces staring back at him, wanting to harm him. His mind
tricked him into believing that they all wanted to do him harm, and it was all
too much for him to handle. He began shouting like a mad man and started
pushing those closest to him out of the way. This action ignited the people
like gasoline would a fire and they all began shouting in response. Most of
them were just inquiring about his actions, but in the mind of Gregory these
were all threats.
“Calmate
señor, tranquilo” one of the faces in the crowd told him.
To the mind and ears of Gregory the
message was received loud and clear; “Get ready to die Gringo!” That poor
innocent bystander didn’t know what hit him when the twenty three year old
Scotsman punched him right in the nose. This was not well received by those
within his immediate area which in turn sparked an even greater response by the
people. The shouts became louder, some people started pushing and a few ran to
get a couple of police officers not too far off.
Every passing second made Gregory
become more bewildered while the surrounding people tried to calm him down. As
the police made their way through the crowd towards the center of conflict
Gregory managed to break a few more noses in the process. At that specific
moment a brawl broke out and in the mind of Gregory this meant only one thing;
his greatest fears had just come true and at this point it was either “do or
die.”
As the police approached Gregory, he
grabbed one of them and threw him into the crowd knocking a few innocents down
with him. It was obvious to the police that they were dealing with a madman and
that extreme measures might be their only chance to quell the brawl. In their
best attempts to communicate with Gregory they managed to utter a few broken
phrases in English.
“Señor,
take it easy, no one wants to hurt you” the commanding officer yelled.
These words all fell on deaf ears as
Gregory charged in the officer’s direction like an enraged Wildebeest running
from the clutches of a hungry crocodile. The commanding officer quickly took
out his can of mace that was strapped to his belt and prepared to spray
Gregory. When the officer saw that there was no stopping this massive Scotsman
he decided that to mace the foreigner would be the best case scenario. With the
squeeze of the button the mace was sent into the air and managed to hit Gregory
right in the eyes. The vapor and excess mace managed to spray a few innocent
bystanders but also achieved its purpose of stopping the enraged tourist.
The sudden burning pain that Gregory
was feeling managed to overrule his anxiety driven attack and rendered him
temporarily blind. Screaming and grabbing his eyes he started stumbling
backwards. The Police officer knew that if he wanted to finally stop this
public outburst he could not hesitate for one second. He jumped in the
direction of Gregory with the plan to submit him to the ground before any more
damage was done, but what the officer didn’t calculate was that enough time had
gone by for the next scheduled train to arrive.
Through the burning and blurred
vision, Gregory could make out faintly that someone or something was
approaching him, and in order to evade the advance of the officer he took one
big step backwards. Yet due to his temporal blindness Gregory did not know that
he was on the very edge of the ground right before the train tracks. His final
step to safety turned out to be his first step towards his sudden and gruesome
death.
Just as his foot hit the edge his
backpack shifted his center of gravity backwards pulling him towards the train
tracks. The police officer realized that Gregory was falling and now attempted
to grab him before he went over the edge which had about a two meter drop to it.
He reached out and managed to grab Gregory by the shirt only to find that the
weight of Gregory and his backpack was far too much strain on the delicate fibers
that the shirt was composed of.
The last sound that Gregory heard was
the ripping of his shirt and then all went silent. He ceased to hear the
shouting of the people, the screeching of the train, he also stopped feeling
the burning sensation in his eyes. For the first time in Gregory’s short and
uneventful life he felt something he had never felt before; peace. There was no
more anxiety clawing at his throat, nor was there any fear.
As he was drifting towards his
imminent death he didn’t feel any regret over his life; he knew that he gave it
his all and would think of no better place to die than on one of his
adventures, even though it was both his first and his last. In a weird way
Gregory thought that dying would be his greatest adventure, and the means of
his death was definitely going to be unique. Most people have uneventful deaths,
but not his. He was ready, and all it took was less than one second for him to
come to terms with his reality.
The moment Gregory hit the cold hard
steel of the tracks he was knocked unconscious. Two seconds later, three point
six tons of weight came crashing into his frail human body severing limbs and
sending carnage all over those standing nearby. The police officer still
holding the ripped piece of fabric in his stretched out hand received the
biggest portion of blood and guts due to his proximity to the scene of the
carnage. It should be noted that Officer Carlos Huerta (The one who tried to
grab Gregory) resigned from the force that same day and lived the rest of his
days addicted to anti-depressants and alcohol.
It took about a month before
Gregory’s mother learned of what happened to her baby boy mainly due to the
lack of diligence of the Mexican police authorities. Her heart broke into minute pieces and she
never managed to put it back together again. Life without her Gregory was too
much for her to handle and eventually she suffered a complete nervous breakdown
and was institutionalized in a state mental hospital. Her remaining living sons
attempted to visit her daily, but it wasn’t too long after being
institutionalized that she stopped speaking. A few weeks before she passed away
it almost seemed that her spirit left her body while she was still living. It
was almost as if her desire to be with her dead baby boy was so strong that she
managed to “check out” earlier.
There were many elements at play the
day that Gregory died that were set in motion more than a decade prior. No one
would have ever known that a Mexican Circus performer by the name of Cindy, on
a rare stop in the little Scottish town of Larkhall would be the angel of death
that would predict the demise of young Gregory. While some might say that
Gregory died too young, that there was more life for him to live, the truth was
that Gregory had lived his life to the fullest, no matter how short.
